The other night I posted on my Facebook wall, saying that I've really picked the wrong thing to study. Then one of my friends asked what I really want to do with my life, it really didn't take me that long to answer. I'd really love to be a PT. This then raised a question about my back and how a year ago I had ruled out everything that included anything physical. It was such a fair question and it is something even I thought about when I was figuring out what to do with my life. What if my back gets worse again? What if I do have to go for the spinal fusion in the end? Can I ever do a physical job?

If someone told me a year ago that I'd be healthy enough to seriously consider a job in fitness, I really would've laughed. A year ago I was in agonising pain every day, even standing up for 15 minutes was painful. I could do very little house work (hoovering was completely out of the question for example), I was miserable and just saw no light at the end of the tunnel.

At that stage I was trying to go for something that wouldn't involve heavy lifting and would allow me to sit down for most of the day. Because I have a really long history with graphics and computers (+ sitting on a computer 90% of the time), that really felt like the way to go for me. But even back in college I really didn't enjoy it that much. Now that I'm studying graphics in uni, it's even more obvious that it's not what I want to do. In a way I feel like I chose this course for the very wrong reasons. But then again, I had no idea that I would actually be this healthy.

Back in 2009, when my spondylolisthesis was diagnosed. It's a shame I don't have a copy of the scans I had done last year.

It's odd how it's such a chain reaction, when things actually start changing for the better. As I started dropping the weight last year, I noticed that I could do more and more every month. I started with 30 minute walks, slowly got into doing various exercise DVDs at home, and once I had built up enough core strength I joined a gym for the first time ever. All this combined made it possible for me to cancel the spinal fusion surgery I was scheduled in for last November. 

I mean, this doesn't mean that I'm going to go straight for a PT course after I finish this year of uni. You don't get a qualification like that for free, I will probably end up working for at least another year to be able to fund it all properly. And I want to make sure that my back will actually be able to handle more physical workouts before signing up for anything. I still have a bad spine, and I always will. I have roughly a 50% slip in my lower spine, with the discs on both sides being pretty much non existent because of it. I will always get achy days. It's just about how bad the pain will be, when my core is as strong as it can be. It is by far one of my biggest goals in this whole thing, I want to have a strong enough core to support my spine through everything I decide to put it through.

Most exciting news in a while! Went to see my surgeon this morning (yay for 6.30am start) to pick a date for my fusion. 13th November it is. He went through the operation with me, explaining what goes where and what kind of a scar I will have. It'll be quite a big one, about 15cm or so. Thankfully it'll run along my spine instead of being on my stomach or on the side, so I'm sure I won't even notice the scar at all.

The most amusing thing about today was when the surgeon was explaining the op was him saying ".. and we will place these plastic cages where your discs USED TO be..". So what he's saying is that I have very little or no discs left around the slip. No wonder I'm sore. :D

Anyways, since there's still quite a way to the operation, I've decided to sign up for a gym membership at the local Fitness First with my other half. He's been talking about going to the gym for ages but I've kinda been umming and arring about it because of my back. Thankfully Fitness First offers some PT sessions when you sign up, so hopefully I will be able to talk with a PT and come up with a fitness plan so I don't hurt myself.



The workout front has been very quiet otherwise, mainly because of the weather. It's just so hot during the day that I don't want to go out for more than half an hour and four nights out of seven I can't go out when it's reasonably cool (in the evenings). Even today was just a quick spin around a field around the corner, took me 20 minutes or so. It's just not pleasant having to walk under the searing heat of the sun, especially when I don't really have proper exercise clothes for this kind of weather. I'm actually down to one pair of decent exercise trousers, need to do some retail therapy and buy more.. :D


But yeah, the blog will start turning into a workout blog soon! I'm so very excited about the gym, I can start working out properly and attend all kinds of classes they offer. Mainly looking at pilates and yoga, everyone keeps telling me how good they are if you've got any back problems. Can't wait!

"Thank you for attending your interview. I am very pleased to confirm our offer to you for a place on the above course due to commence September 2013 at Chichester."

Yay!! I am SO happy! I was quite nervous about this actually, I just kept thinking that the tutor will reject me because of my back. I know he technically can't do it as it'd be discrimination against me but yeah, I kept thinking that what if he just says that there's no point in me starting this course this year if my back isn't fixed yet? Now all I need is to see the surgeon at the end of July to confirm my operation (hopefully I can influence it..) and I know for sure if I can get on this course. Exciting times!

Getting that letter today definitely cheered me up so much. It was so miserable for most of the day really, just really gray, foggy and dull. And on top of that it was raining slightly. I didn't want it to affect my exercise plans and went for a nice long walk anyways. I really should start finding new walking routes, I seem to go to the beach pretty much every other day lately. Despite it being really foggy it was still quite pretty, quite a mysterious atmosphere. Tide was down, it was quite warm and you could just feel the moisture in the air.



I've been struggling with my back since the op. The pain seems to be provoked a lot easier than it did before, and the type of pain has changed as well. I've gone from burning pain to a sting, the pain feels a lot more local now. I'm trying to do the same amount of housework every day but it's just getting more and more difficult. Ungh. Maybe I should try and reschedule my appointment with the surgeon.

Anyways! Mandatory food post time! My other half likes to be silly every day when I take pictures of my food and sticks his thumb in the way. Earlier he said "Oh if you don't put this picture up on your blog I'll comment!", guessing the comment wouldn't be too pleasant.. :D So here you go, lunch (wholewheat pasta with ground beef and a value veg mix from Tesco) and dinner (pork & sweet chilli sausages with a small dollop of mash + roasted carrots and peppers) with a goofy picture.

What a wonderful day today! Lovely and sunny again. :)

I did struggle with my lunch today, though. Since the operation I haven't really had any appetite. I had to force most of my lunch down today. I just started feeling both ill and disgusted by my salad after a few mouthfuls. I'm guessing it's just because of the surgery and it'll pass eventually, but it's annoying me a bit as I do need to eat.








I was feeling so lazy with dinner so I just put a frozen pizza in the oven. It doesn't really look appetising, does it? :D It was a Dr. Oetker pollo pizza with tons of cucumber, sweet chilli and ketchup on top. All that for about 800 calories. 


I also got a new dress today! The in laws came back from Jamaica yesterday and they bought this stunning dress as a souvenir. It is so pretty! Love the print and the colour of it and the top of it pinches me in from the right spots. It makes my waist look incredibly tiny. Love it. <3

Everyone has days when they just feel brilliant and confident. Well I had one of those today. Despite my back still being sore from yesterday, I just had a good start to the day. For the first time in a long time I feel like I'm not being forgotten, I'm going towards the end of my journey with back pain and I can start planning my future.






And to go on about the good mood I've been in today. This top has never fit me brilliantly, it's always been on the tight side. I had it under my pink top today but when I got home I just wanted to see what just the white top looks like. And it's not bad! Still a bit tight but doesn't look like a sausage skin anymore. Very happy. :)

It has been a very long day. I was admitted to hospital at 12.30am and I had to wait until 4.20pm before I was taken in the operating theatre. Lots of pictures, a little less text this time. Still very tired and dizzy after the sedative.

I had a small explorative operation called discography today. I wasn't cut open or anything, they pretty much poked my spinal disc with a needle.







I didn't feel as nervous as I thought I would. I was a bit cranky though. I couldn't have coffee in the morning and couldn't eat so lack of caffeine and low blood sugar gave me an insane headache. I was meant to be taken in to the operating theatre around 2pm but had to wait an extra 2,5 hours.

Going in the operating theatre was quite fun actually. One of the people looking after me actually spoke Finnish to me! A British guy, told me his wife is Finnish and we had a little chat in Finnish. I quite liked the sedative as well haha. The guy put it in my vein, wheeled me in the actual operating theatre, asked me to roll over on my stomach and off I went to la-la land. :D The next thing I know is that I'm tucked in my hospital bed, waiting to be taken back to my room.

I was discharged around 8.30pm. I am so happy that my other half waited for me patiently all that time. It made me a lot calmer about the whole process today. <3

Long weekend and a lot of other commitments have meant that my dear blog hasn't been getting the attention it deservers. Back to it now, though!

So, let's talk about Holland! Incredibly amazing weekend, I don't get to see these people too often so I made sure to make the most of it. We mainly stayed in a town called Amersfoort where my friend lives and also did a day trip up to Amsterdam. Lots of good food, drinks and brilliant company. We also made some initial plans for my birthday in October. :)



Thankfully my ankles decided to start healing up over the weekend as well. My right ankle is still a bit sore at times but the left one has been fine since Sunday. Hooray! I did feel a bit funny having to use flats all weekend but it really paid off, I'd take flats over painful ankles any day. So this'll also mean that I'll be able to get back to working out properly!

And speaking of getting back to working out, I'll probably start going to the gym soonish (when I can afford it that is). A very dear friend of mine has moved to Bognor so I'll have him as company when I fancy going to the gym. ^^

And just to give you guys a quick update on my back! I got the MRI results back yesterday and the next step is to get something called an injection test done. Simply put the disc above the slipped vertebra is damaged and the surgeon wants to have a better look at it to know what to do with the fusion. Obviously the disc under the slip is absolutely mauled after years of constant pressure, but if the upper one is left as it is it'll only start causing problems in a few years.

I've still got a few weeks to go to the test but the nerves are definitely kicking in now. It's all getting very real.

Right, let's start with the more important topic of the day. MRI scan! It went well, took about 10-15 minutes in total. The machine is so funny. When it's not "on" it kinda makes this train like sound. When it's taking the images, it's like being thrown into the middle of a full blown rave. Once again the staff was incredible! I love going to a private hospital, you just get a completely different feel to everything. The hospital doesn't have it's own MRI unit so instead I was escorted to this mobile unit that was parked up in front of the hospital. It was so cool. :D


I also spoke to my mother in law (she's a nurse) about my ankle this morning. Told her that it's been hurting for nearly one and a half weeks now and isn't getting any better so she had a look at it and said I've simply overdone it with exercise and damaged the tendons. She wrapped my ankle in a proper dressing and suggested me to take anti-inflammatory painkillers and use this ibuprofen gel we've got. And you know what? My ankle feels a million times better now. I'm hoping that the painkillers / gel and rest will make this pain in the ass injury heal up quick. I'm dying to get back to working out.

Today was the most exciting day in my life for a long time. I had an appointment with a back surgeon! We had a quick chat about my options and he said that he is very keen on operating on my back so I decided that it's what I'm going for. My back is just limiting my life so much right now. I'm out of work, 75% of housework is out of the question (can't lift heavy things and can't bend over so can't wash floors / hoover), I can't stand up for long periods of time.. I'm having an MRI scan done next week to see if the damage in my spine is limited to my lower back or if I've got more wonky bits somewhere else. I'm kinda hoping that it's just my lower spine, though.


I felt really comfortable at the hospital as well, which was such a nice surprise. The hospital is an old school so you don't really get the awful clinical feeling when you walk in. The surgeon was lovely and the nursing staff incredibly helpful and friendly. I was greeted by an east European nurse and to my surprise actually pronounced my last name right! Hoorah! :D

I'm quite positive about all this. The surgeon said that it's possible to get all the scans, tests and the actual operation done by the end of the year. Three month recovery after that and I should be able to get back into living my life properly. I really can't wait.

Going to see a back specialist today. It's my second visit to this same specialist, today it's time to decide if I want to go through with the back op or not. I'm quite torn about it in all honesty. I'd like to get rid of this problem to be able to live my life normally again, but I've read so many stories about people actually being in less pain before having spinal fusion surgery. Some people have actually said that they've been on pain meds ever since the surgery. Then again there's also the good stories about people being able to do whatever they like without having to worry about their spine.

I'm at least going ahead with getting all the scans and tests done. I'd like to know exactly how damaged my spine is.

I was meant to start Phase 3 yesterday. I managed to go through one circuit, although I was just sitting down for half of it because the exercises are too demanding on my back. I'm not going to risk it, I'm just going to start over instead. I want to get my core stronger before I do something that advanced.

Yes, I'm very annoyed about it. I want to progress, not go back to the beginning. But I always knew it might happen so I can't really complain, BR is designed for people with no physical disabilities after all. Guess I should be happy that I managed to get this far.

On a happier note, I've gone back to a redhead again. :D My poor hair is going to fall off soon. In less than a week I've gone from ginger to blonde, from blonde to bright red and from bright red to this absolutely gorgeous pinkish red. And I love it. Pics below!