"People say I look slim, but I don't. I look slim-mer and trim-mer, which is a very different thing! But I'm trying and I'm feeling a lot better!"
- James Corden

While I'm not a massive celeb fangirl, I really felt like this quote is something I relate to so much right now. James Corden as a person means pretty much nothing to me, but as I was browsing through last week's Fabulous magazine his interview just caught my eye (mainly because it had "weight loss" written all over it).

People can definitely see the change in me and think I look great, and yeah in a way I think I look great right now. But it's not quite enough for me, all these people only see me with my clothes on. I am the one who needs to put up with the mirror image of myself without the clothes on and the cover they give. While I'm really happy with the way my figure is, I still hide quite a bit of the fat under the waistband of my jeans or under baggy tops. I am not far off from losing all that and I'm proud about that, but it's not quite enough for me yet. When I mention it I just get people gasping for air and thinking that I will just turn into a skeleton (I won't, trust me!), but I think they'd see it differently if they actually saw me the way I do.

I'm sure my past insecurities affect my self-image as well in a way despite my past being, well, the past. I do feel a million times more confident about myself than I used to, I know it's not all weight loss related and it's been a long process that's taken me years. It's small things like feeling "brave" enough to go out without any makeup on, not being afraid to show people who you really are. I've learned to think about it from the point of view that if people are so shallow that they can't look past things like lack of makeup, I don't even want to know them. What good would people like that contribute to my life, if all they could think about is something so superficial?


And to change the subject to something a bit lighter now! I am so excited about this weekend! It's my birthday on Monday and I'm going up to London to celebrate with a small group of friends. I've gotten to know all these people through World of Warcraft, I've known them all for years and they really are some of the best company I could think of. Unfortunately not everyone could make it and I really wanted to include a few people from my uni course as well but it would've been too short notice to ask them to join me. :( Oh well, I just need to organise something separate with those guys next week! Still debating with myself if I should head back early enough on Monday to catch my afternoon lessons at uni, I don't like missing uni!


I am a bit worried about it food wise though. I know I'm not going to drink tons because I've never been a big drinker in general and the thought of it hindering my progress just puts me off a bit. But the food! It's definitely my weak link when we do stuff like this, my brain just seems to switch off when I get handed a menu at a restaurant! Thankfully one of my friends is really into working out now as well so hopefully she will keep me in check all weekend! And just to prepare for it all, I'm trying to eat as healthy as possible until then. My lunch today was just a simple salmon "salad" with a bit of cottage cheese on the side. Yummy. :)

Time to head out and do a bit of last minute shopping before work, all my clothes are really starting to be waaay too baggy and it bothers me so much. Badly fitting clothes really make me look bigger than I am and especially underwear can really feel uncomfortable if it doesn't fit right. I feel like this will be an expensive shopping trip.. :p